The answer to my heart-times

It was the year 2004, and I was dressed in my cap and gown being force to accept that graduation was here whether I wanted it to be or not. After all the photos were taken, and the caps had been thrown to symbolize our freedom, I stood motionless and unsure of what my future held.

I left commencement that night an Ontario Scholar and with the grades to do anything my heart desired. The problem rested in the fact that for the first time in my life I couldn’t tell what my heart wanted. Earlier that year I had decided there was a sensible answer to all of this (take an extra year to think about what it was I really wanted), but standing there on the stage, and having my principal and a receiving line of local public figures ready to receive me into the adult world, all I really wanted to do was turn and run. I didn’t even care if I tripped on the way out.

After commencement I was dedicated to anything that did not require me to think about my post-secondary prospects. Sure, I read a few university handbooks, and my mother bought me the McLean’s University Guide that comes out each year, but every time I tried to focus on the future my heart and head were as empty as a trash can on collection day. All I knew and was positive about was the now.

Eventually came the time for me to apply to university. Again, I wasn’t ready for it, but I figured applying didn’t mean I had to make a decision, so I reluctantly sent my application to three universities; York, Ottawa U. and Waterloo. Prior to my applications, I had watched a movie that has since change my life: Hotel Rwanda. I decided that I wanted to make a difference in the world and prevent tragedies like Rwanda from ever happening again. International studies, I thought, was my answer. I received notice from all three universities for early admissions and all three also offered me compelling scholarships. I decided to take the one that was furthest from home, thinking that a fresh start would do me some good (not to mention Ottawa seemed like the perfect place to study International Studies); Boy, was I wrong!

It was not even half way through my first semester when I realized that I was not in the right place. Everything seemed be going in the opposite direction of where I wanted to head. I was keeping up my grades, but I disliked the campus, my program and my job selling bathing suits in a mall. By Christmas time I dropped out of Ottawa U., and started on an even worse downward spiral. I was a small town girl lost in a big city, and my guiding force, my mother, was hundreds of miles away. I was too embarrassed to ask for help at that point, and found myself petrified of the future once again.

Early February, I had an eye-opening experience that made me pick-up the phone and finally break down my wall of stubbornness. My mother’s voice was the most comforting thing I had felt since the day she dropped me off at the dorms. By the next night, I was back in Woodstock, determined to make right with everything that had gone wrong. Needless to say, that was a lot harder than I imagined it would be. I had to face some forbidding notions, but when I was finally happy with myself again, I was ready to take on the world.

It took me another year to figure out what I wanted to do, but I did it. I am now in my graduating year at Conestoga College and I could not be happier about life. Public Relations was the best thing to happen to me and I have direction, once again, in my heart. I think the most satisfying part of having chosen Public Relations is that I didn’t wait for it to find me; I found it. I’m still going to be able to make a difference, but my options I have to achieve that are endless. I will never be unhappy with my career, and there is tons of room for me to be the person I am. I couldn’t imagine a better fit.

Post-secondary schooling didn’t have to be the tunnel of doom I thought it was. In retrospect, finding something I love and can be passionate about has been my light at the end of the tunnel. My future is finally looking bright, and so is my heart.

Instead of having to read anymore check this out to know more about my program:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udX-3o4OHAc